Saturday, April 7, 2012


I remember these days.
Glorious morsels of human food.
All with different tastes and textures unlike my twice daily prison ration of kibble.
But I overdid it and now i'm chubby and they won't feed me anymore.
The chubbiness I don't mind, because like i've mentioned before some guys like 'em thick.
It's the dullness of the kibble that drives me to insanity.
I wish someone would just give me a cookie already.
I'm on a diet.

I really need to focus on my art right now. (Sigh)

Or this. This is okay too.

Thursday, April 5, 2012


So far today has been a good day!
Two of my favorite humans, He Who Feeds Me Lots Of Treats and She Who Cleans came for a visit!
I call them Treats and Clean.
These two come every other week to take away all the good smells in the house. Pff, humans.
I get really excited when they come because Treats always gives me cookies, while poor Clean is doing most of the work.
It's ok though, because I get cookies.
While they were here all my humans left me and came back a few days later.
Or weeks.
Or seconds.
I'm a dog. I have no concept of time.
What is time?

So while I was home alone, I did what every dog does while the humans are away.

I sat.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

My Pack

Today some humans came to work on the roof. Don't ask me what a roof is because I don't know. It's a human word. I'm not sure if they're making fun of the way I talk because it sounds an awful lot like me.
I have feelings you know, humans. Dogs are people too.
So far I've spent my day staring out the window and telling them to come inside or let me go out there. I can't go outside! My human slaves are disobedient.
Well, they're not really my slaves. I was just trying to sound intimidating. They're more like pets.
Ok, ok. I'm the pet.
Now that i'm talking about it, why don't I tell you about my humans?

This human's name is He Who Is Big.
I refer to him as Big for short.
If you were wondering why his name is that, it's because he is pack leader because he is the biggest.
One thing I like about him is that he has a beard and it reminds me of mine.

This human is named He Who Is My Friend.
I call him Friend for short.
That is his name because he spends the most time playing with and petting me. I also let him sleep in my bed. One thing that irritates me is that he uses the sheets and the pillows. Everyone knows those are just for decoration.
One thing I like about him is that he's always nice to me.

This is He Who Loves The Seminoles.
I call him Nole for short.
This is his name because he always talks about something called the Seminoles. I think it's a pack or something that he wants to be a part of.
He doesn't spend very much time with me but when he does he talks to me a lot. That is what I like about him.

Last but not least this human is named She Who Is The Female.
I call her Female for short.
She is the only other girl in the house besides me. She stays at home the most besides me.
If you don't know which one is a girl because you're a dog, it's the one without fur on her face.

She takes pictures of everyone which is nice because I like to have my picture taken.
I always look hot.


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Hello Human.

Hello my name is Sesame and I am a dog. If you don't believe me here is a picture of me. I am a dog. I am a girl dog. That is a given because my name is Sesame. Sesame is a type of seed and seeds can only be for girl names. No offense to any boy dogs who have seed names. And if you are a boy dog in the area holla at yo girl ;) .

This is probably my favorite picture of myself because I look very nice.
I'm doing duckface which is a trend among human girls. But you probably can't tell because I am a dog.

One thing I noticed recently is that my human slaves have been giving me less food lately. I've told them about it and they just pet me. I don't understand. Whenever I scold my humans all they do is start petting me. This needs to stop. As my slaves they should respect and fear me. I have heard them talking about how chubby I am and it made me cry :(
But they can't tell because I am a dog.
When we went to the doctor I had put on alot of weight, but I'm okay with it because some guys like 'em thick. This is also a double whammy because my slaves have taken me out for walks more.

Speaking of walks, today I got attacked by some ugly dog that looked like a cross between a mop/shag carpet/paintbrush. It was pretty small but I prefer not to get my hands dirty. I already have a criminal record for things like eating napkins/coasters/food/shoes.
Ok. I was just kidding about the shoes because I was trying to look cool. But I almost ate a car once but I couldn't because it wouldn't fit in my mouth. And it was moving really fast and I was scared.

Have you ever been in a car? I've been in a car. Cars are these big hard box things. I think they might be alive because sometimes they growl and i've seen them attack small animals in the road before. But they never eat them or play with them, they just leave them there and more cars come touch it but don't do anything, they go right over it. I wonder why. If I was a car I would eat the squirrels. And the cyclists.

Well, I leave you with this picture of me when I was a little kid. Look at my nose. It's black! My nose is purple now. But I wouldn't know, that's just what they tell me. I don't see color.
If you were wondering why, it's because I'm a dog.