Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Hello Human.

Hello my name is Sesame and I am a dog. If you don't believe me here is a picture of me. I am a dog. I am a girl dog. That is a given because my name is Sesame. Sesame is a type of seed and seeds can only be for girl names. No offense to any boy dogs who have seed names. And if you are a boy dog in the area holla at yo girl ;) .

This is probably my favorite picture of myself because I look very nice.
I'm doing duckface which is a trend among human girls. But you probably can't tell because I am a dog.

One thing I noticed recently is that my human slaves have been giving me less food lately. I've told them about it and they just pet me. I don't understand. Whenever I scold my humans all they do is start petting me. This needs to stop. As my slaves they should respect and fear me. I have heard them talking about how chubby I am and it made me cry :(
But they can't tell because I am a dog.
When we went to the doctor I had put on alot of weight, but I'm okay with it because some guys like 'em thick. This is also a double whammy because my slaves have taken me out for walks more.

Speaking of walks, today I got attacked by some ugly dog that looked like a cross between a mop/shag carpet/paintbrush. It was pretty small but I prefer not to get my hands dirty. I already have a criminal record for things like eating napkins/coasters/food/shoes.
Ok. I was just kidding about the shoes because I was trying to look cool. But I almost ate a car once but I couldn't because it wouldn't fit in my mouth. And it was moving really fast and I was scared.

Have you ever been in a car? I've been in a car. Cars are these big hard box things. I think they might be alive because sometimes they growl and i've seen them attack small animals in the road before. But they never eat them or play with them, they just leave them there and more cars come touch it but don't do anything, they go right over it. I wonder why. If I was a car I would eat the squirrels. And the cyclists.

Well, I leave you with this picture of me when I was a little kid. Look at my nose. It's black! My nose is purple now. But I wouldn't know, that's just what they tell me. I don't see color.
If you were wondering why, it's because I'm a dog.


  1. I swear this is pure awesome genius. I love it. I cackled. Seriously cackled. How do you spell cackled? This looks so wrong but I can't care.

  2. Oh my word. I laughed out loud...

    "Holla at yo girl"
    "This is probably my favorite picture of myself because I look very nice".

    Rock on Sesame.
    Love this!